You might be wondering who I am and why you should care about my story? Well if you have ever felt like a failure and aren’t sure where life is leading you, maybe this story is for you. It’s a little more than a coffee break read but you can always come back to it if you have the time, but let’s begin.
Failure is such an ugly word. I hate to say it, but it was the only word I could think of to describe what life had been feeling like, despite some major milestones (which I will get to later) in the last few years. 2020 makes any year look like the wonder years seeing as where the world is now so we’re not even going to get into that, but I digress. As terrible as it feels to actually fail, my failures have taught me valuable lessons on my personal journey to what I will ultimately define as true success.
I’ll begin my story back 6 years as an eager and success hungry university graduate with big dreams ready to take on the real world. I had just finished my Bachelors of Arts degree in Journalism with the intention of working as a news reporter on whatever local station would take me but the worst was yet to come. Most graduates leave with the same attitude and are surprised when the real world sets in, leaving many of us to succumb to what has been coined as “post grad blues.” The post-grad blues, also known as depression as a result of failure to secure a job for the degree you tirelessly spent the last 4-5 years of your life working for, a sentiment many millennials know. It was very hard to not feel like I had failed. Being that I graduated college at 20, it was assumed that I had been given a head start only for my plans to be pushed aside and have real life take its course. I had planned my next moves post grad down to the very last detail, along with me working 2 internships while taking 18 course credits my graduating semester. I worked on my resume and other job application elements, but it was apparent that life was going to take a pretty dark turn over the next few years. I eventually found myself working a regular retail job to make ends meet, having my expectations crushed which resulted in the crumbling of my mental health.
Eventually, I started to feel discouraged but I thought that I should start to do some things that would keep my journalism skills up to par in an unconventional way if I ever wanted to make my mark on the world. Now back in 2014, YouTube was still one of those things that people did but never really mentioned to people because it was kind of embarrassing and wasn’t anything beyond a hobby for black “influencers” back in the day. I launched my YouTube channel, now Uchenana with a few videos to get myself out there and I also wanted to start my social media venture so I began to utilize some of the tools available at the time, the biggest one being hashtags. The natural hair movement had also taken a big interest to me and I got the idea to make a hashtag that women could use under their photos as engagement. That hashtag, #herhairherway has since grown to almost 15K uses as of today, but back then I didn’t know that it would bring me back to a place where the opportunities I wanted then would be possible now. Moving forward, my life would become working a bunch of different odd jobs and short term positions to survive but never feeling satisfied.
2015 came along and I was unsatisfied with my jobs so I got the great idea to start a new career in real estate. So I signed up for a 3 month course that I took in the evenings for around 4 hours each night and 8 hour Saturday sessions after my 8-10 hour shifts at my then job. I was also in a very toxic relationship with an abusive partner who only added to my burden. I HATED my life, as an understatement. Then the time finally came for the licensing exam to finally receive my real estate license and anyone who has taken it knows it can be a bit challenging. As you can probably guess by now, I failed. I took the exam again and I failed within a small point range. Being the person I was, I tried the exam once again. I failed. 
I decided to muster up the courage and take the dive, only to fail again. I FAILED 4 times, to say my intelligence was insulted isn’t enough to describe the disappointment and embarrassment feeling like I was not capable of achieving success. Eventually I realized that I had chose real estate for every reason but my own actual desire to do it and that helped me get over that.
So 2016 came around, I got another “in between” job and my social life took a spike BUT while there were good times, looking in hindsight it was the beginning of a long depression. Why wasn’t I happy? Well I wasn’t doing a job I loved, my love life was a big fail at this point and traumatic to say the least, my friendships were on rocky roads, family issues and the list went on. I dealt with all my issues the only way I knew how. I partied like a rockstar and engaged in self medicating things to numb the pain of not having achieved what I thought my life was supposed to be by then. Moving into a new year, 2017 brought a few positive changes. I was still depressed but it was almost necessary for me to try to stay as busy as possible in order to avoid thinking so I did the unthinkable. I went back to school. So remember when I graduated in 2014?? I was actually a double major in psychology but my thirst for the “real world” pushed me to graduate prematurely, which I don’t regret but it was a questionable choice that I may not have made now if I knew what things were going to look like up until this point. I went back to school and I felt like things were starting to look up. I had made the academic lists three semesters in a row, joined a business professional fraternity, and also participated in a beauty pageant! I had stayed busy as intended but my personal life was still not as great as I wanted it to be.
By 2018, I was wrapping up the last stretch of yet another “decorative” degree but I started to feel a change. 
I actually felt proud of myself for stepping out of my comfort zones and achieving a number of things that were actually my choice, no matter the outcome. Mentally, I was still struggling with the effects of depression but I had also gained a supportive partner who became a friend and confidant to me as I rolled into 2019, where I made the dicey decision to go back to school, this time for a career change. I had worked in every field except the ones I went to school for and I was sure this would be it. I signed up for my first tech bootcamp in the very intriguing field of User Experience and Interface Design through one of the top technical universities in the country, finishing with high grades and positive spirits. As 2019 wrapped up, I took the time to breathe and relax after my program ended. As I started this new adventure in the world of tech, I knew that it was still important for me to establish something outside of my 9-5 job title. One day during my new founded routine of self reflection and mindfulness, the idea of creating a space where I could celebrate my core audience (black women) while sharing their stories and experiences came to my mind, leading me closer to what was to become Black Girl Out Loud. To wrap up my year, I took a long awaited trip to Nigeria to see family that I was excited to meet and get to know. I have a vlog all about it here if you want to see how my trip went.
Coming into 2020, I was sure my life was going to be about change, however, this year has been very trying on a personal level. I went through another breakup, which brought a few feelings of failure again but this time it wasn’t like the others. I learned so much about myself from that relationship and it was the catalyst for the change I needed. I was also able to launch Black Girl Out Loud, after almost a year of contemplation, including other personal successes such as recovering from my depression which I have taken full control of. I am looking forward to stepping into my new career in tech, despite a few setbacks I am on my way to opening that door for myself and others. Despite the chaos, I have been feeling a personal shift of energy for myself which is leading me to a path I couldn’t see for myself back then but has become possible due to my resilience.
To address current events, 2020 has affected us on a global scale as we deal with the current Covid-19 pandemic. We are also simultaneously living in a time where social unrest is happening as a result of the injustices against people for wanting basic human rights, which has left myself and others uncertain of what the future holds for us. Like many of us, I hope that the events of this year do not dim the future too much because it is still bright if we still want it to be with attention to ourselves at a micro level of existence. We must keep in mind that we have been unfairly treated and taught to believe that a system that was NEVER made to protect us operated in a fair manner. That is not the case and it is very apparent as we move towards the end of a very important year, historical maybe, that has shown us some of the darkest depths of human capabilities. We may have felt like this year has highlighted what we have not yet to accomplish, maybe leaving some of us to feel attached to failure that we somewhat didn’t have a say in. I say all of this to emphasize that failure, self provoked or not isn’t the end of your life. It can actually be the beginning of a new path that brings you closer to the things you envision for yourself. I have failed so many times to even get to this point where sharing my “failures” feels like a personal achievement because I had to learn to let go of the idea of what success looks like based on the opinions of others. Looking back, I was being prepared for a path that seemed unlikely until it wasn’t. Starting this website is on my path. I’m not sure how far it will go but I know I will put my best efforts forward to create something that reflects my idea of success.
In conclusion, I want to leave you the reader with the following words of encouragement:
“Do not limit yourself to your failures. Instead, challenge yourself to learn the lessons that failure has taught you, no matter how hard they may have been to learn in order to prepare you for the success you seek. Solid foundations are built with the bricks that failure has thrown at you. Keep building. Keep growing. Keep going.”
– Uche
About The Author
Uche U. is a twenty-something digital creative and founder of this blog. She is currently navigating the world of tech to help encourage other black women to pursue this career route. Some of her hobbies include playing the sims 4, studying astrology and watching Netflix on her downtime. You can follow Uche on instagram @uchenana_ and you can also subscribe to her YouTube channel here too to keep up with her. To read more of her work, subscribe to the BGOL newsletter. Also, if you are a writer yourself, feel free to email her at hello@blackgirloutloud.com with your inquiry!